|Kids of the School that was attacked in Peshawar.|
It is really dark right now, fitting maybe because of the kind of day it was, dark just as dark as this night, I am clutching my fingers, touching my hair again and again rolling them, I do this whenever I am extremely helpless sad or nervous.
I have not been able to stop my tears all day, it was really tough, meeting so many people, you have to hide how you feel and be strong. My heart is beating really fast, I feel nauseating, this last happened when I had this heart problem and I felt I will die.
But I just cant hold my tears back anymore, I have been crying for the past 20 minutes, but there is no one here to tell me it will get better, fitting as well, because what happened today, a guy asked me what happened in Pakistan today?
What happened was, Humanity died. 141 little kids died, martyred. Barbarically. The heart of their parents died, forever. Pakistan died for those few hours, I died, with every time the death toll rose.
Never in my life have I felt this helpless, all those times of shouting and chanting Pakistan, I am gonna do this and that for Pakistan, I just could not do anything at all, shame on me. How I wish I could fly to Peshawar, hug all those parents who lost their kids, tell them I can't replace your brave little kids, but I am here, I will be your son your daughter. I just could not.do anything.
One day ago, I had this nightmare that someone is killing me again and again, no matter how hard I try that person is able to shoot me, I am dying again and again.
Yesterday was so much fun, telling everyone about how much I love kids, how much I love baby sitting them, how much I adore seeing them smile and laugh and do stupid senseless stuff, Thinking about my cute little cousins I slept.
I woke up and opened twitter expecting all those lame weird tweets, getting to read the news of an attack on Peshawar! Oh another attack, 20 dead? was my reaction. So heartless right? 40, oh this is getting serious. A friend called from Pakistan, Raafay? You hear the news? 84 KIDS shot dead.... WHAT? 84 KIDS? I got out of my bed rushed towards TV, BBC was more concerned about 2 Australians who died. got my laptop switched it on ...
" Pakisran ki tareekh ka sab se bara saniha, 100 bachay halaak, deshat gardon ne bachon k sir par goliyan marin aur unki lashain utha kar bahar phaik di "
(Biggest tragedy of Pakistan's history, 100 kids shot in the head, their dead bodies thrown out)
I do not know how I passed the day after that, it must have been the toughest, I can remember a few tough days in my life, this was right up there.
Kids are like flowers are they not? So delicate, so fresh. Parents or not, known or unknown, you look at kids and when they smile, it gives you such a refreshing feeling that it is hard to explain, you forget all the sadness and problems of your life do you not? Whenever I hold them kids in my arms, they ride on my back, I am so worried what if I hurt them? what if they fall or cry? How can someone think about killing them just like that? I mean ...
Talibaan are so brave that Pakistan army attacks them and they attack innocent kids and kill them to show how brave they are, people can stoop to the worst level, but this has to be the worst of the worst of the worst level, and if this is bravery, then shame on this bravery, those kids who lost their lives are braver than any of these 'Soldiers of God', I used to think Talibaan are cowards, now I am sure they are the most cowardly people on planet earth.
He was my dream, they shot my dream, they ended it. A father of a kid who lost his life, said. Alhamdulillah, I am so proud he gave away his life for Pakistan, he said.
So brave! So strong!
I swear this is the most difficult article of my life, it really is. Before today I used to tell myself what a beautiful world it is, today, I think it is hell, close to hell maybe. 141 kids shot dead to show power.
A wish it is that when I wake up tomorrow, it is all a nightmare, I wake up in the morning telling myself oh what a bad bad dream just like the one I had two days ago, but sadly it is a reality, a bitter one.
I am so unsure about so many things right now but this tragedy has made me sure about one thing.
Terrorists can never break Pakistan down, they never can. Because we are so strong, that we can defeat all the tragedies we face, be it earthquake, flood or barbaric killings, we sure will come out stronger from this, but I just hope we learn from it, we really do.
I am sure, I have never seen Pakistan this united. Except for a few exceptions, people forgot what religion they are from, what sect they are from, which political party they support. It is unbelievable how tragedies can bring people close, the lives of these cute innocent kids will not go to waste, I really really hope we stay united.
Could not eat all day, could not sleep all day, could not smile or talk to anyone properly, could not look up towards the sky, could not face the people around me, I felt I had lost someone too. Just like the family of those kids.
I will NEVER forget this tragedy, this tragic day, believe me it has changed me, at one hand it has broken my heart maybe forever but on the other hand it has made me stronger and more committed to Pakistan.
Our country needs us, maybe more than ever. Let us just promise one thing to ourselves.
I promise till my last breath that no matter what happens, I will do my best in every possible way to make Pakistan better, be it from blogging, or social work or promoting the softer image to fighting for it and giving my life for it. Today I can feel the support of all these 141 kids behind me, their voice in my ears, I can imagine them singing the national anthem of Pakistan in heavens. This will be enough to spur me all my life, I promise to remember my promise.
In any case now, whenever I will see any kid smiling, It will automatically remind me of this, and you know what? I owe this to those 134 brave and cute kids, I owe them this.
This is my promise to them. What is your promise?